I'm having one of the shittiest of shit days, so I'm going to throw a pitty party to liven things up.
I fucking hate it here. I have my reasons and I'm tired of justifying them to everyone. Lets just say that when I met someone at another posting who exclaimed "I hate it here." I couldn't understand her reasoning, but I didn't judge her for it. She had different experiences that she was used to. Adaption to her new posting was difficult for her and I felt she was entitled to her own opinion. That same lady, who is now posted back to her home province is one of few people who understand where I'm coming from. She doesn't understand my reasons for hating it here, but she doesn't try to change my mind either.
I am tired of being lectured about having to "make the best of any posting." I loved our time in St-Jean, I have fond memories and not-so-fond memories. I enjoyed St-Jean while I was there. Would I want to go back? Not likely, but I made the best of it while there...even though I didn't speak French and didn't have any friends and was VERY new to the military life. I think I adapted well. I adapted really well to Oromocto and Moncton as well.
I think my adaption program caught a virus when we moved to Petawawa. I just can't make it work. I just can't keep my chin up. I just plain HATE it here. Some days I question my own reasoning. I have "good days" when I think I'll come to like the area eventually, but those are rare and sparse.
I am told on a regular basis that there is "lots here for families, you just have to go out and find it" But all I've been able to find is expensive gymnastics clubs, swimming lessons, and other such costly activities. The cheapest activities around are the fitness classes at the RecPlex, but I'm not a fitness class kind of girl. Never have been. Likely because the majority of the types that go to fitness classes are much like the types I went to high school with. For them, fitness classes or the volleyball team was about socialization and popularity, not about athleticism or exercise.
I've always been athletic, I was one of the stars of my junior high basketball and volleyball teams. But when I tried out for the high school teams I was cut and instead they picked up a couple of girls that had never played the games before in their lives, but happened to be tall and popular. Tell me that hasn't scarred me for life. "I don't care that you can bump, set and serve better than them, I don't care that you can rebound and lay-up consistently, they are taller than you and can reach over the net/ring." I think that is why I like the show "Glee" so much. I can relate to all the "Glee club losers."
So, when it comes to exercise, I'll stick to running. It is one sport where there aren't many cliques. Most people in the sport are MOP (Middle of the Pack-ers) or BOP (Back of the Pack-ers) and even the Elites or the Age Group Placers are more than happy to cheer on and support and lend advice to the BOPers and the MOPers. If you post a personal best that is three hours slower than someone else in that distance, you are not shunned for being slow, you are praised for having stuck it out and done your best. But I digress...
Time to go to the store to stalk up on storm supplies...I need more alcohol to make it through the winter here.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Dusting off the Cobwebs
I tend to get inspired to write when I go through a major life change (no, I'm not turning into a man) or have had a recent trauma or experience through which I've grown as a person. Lets see if I can keep things going this time.
We are being posted out of Moncton. As a result, we have to list the house for sale. This is the first house we ever bought and therefore, it is the first one we'll ever sell. Real Estate is a new game to us and our learning curve has been steep.
I spent almost a month cleaning my house. I've never been the greatest housekeeper, more clutter than anything, and laundry is the bane of my existence, but this has been a ridiculous effort just to be able to move. So far, we've thrown out 15 bags of garbage, and filled a friend's garage with storage stuff.
Today the Realtor came by to take pictures to finish the listing process. Hopefully by some time this afternoon I'll see how the house will look to the general public. Here's hoping there will be a SOLD sign up soon, I hate not having a breadbox on my counter for my bread...I'm lost without it.
We are being posted out of Moncton. As a result, we have to list the house for sale. This is the first house we ever bought and therefore, it is the first one we'll ever sell. Real Estate is a new game to us and our learning curve has been steep.
I spent almost a month cleaning my house. I've never been the greatest housekeeper, more clutter than anything, and laundry is the bane of my existence, but this has been a ridiculous effort just to be able to move. So far, we've thrown out 15 bags of garbage, and filled a friend's garage with storage stuff.
Today the Realtor came by to take pictures to finish the listing process. Hopefully by some time this afternoon I'll see how the house will look to the general public. Here's hoping there will be a SOLD sign up soon, I hate not having a breadbox on my counter for my bread...I'm lost without it.
Friday, August 03, 2007
For the Military Wife
I found this on a Facebook group. I like it, so I am posting it.
Military Wives
I would like to recognize these often underestimated, unseen, and unheard heroes.
*This is for the sad military wives, the angry military wives, and the strong military wives.
*This is for the young women that are waking up at 6 a.m. every morning, laying out clothes and packing three lunches for those small precious children that they have been left alone to care for.
*This is for the pregnant military wife wondering if her husband will make it home in time to watch their miracle happen
*This is for the childless military wife, living in a town or on a base alone where she is a complete stranger to her surroundings.
*This is for the women that feel like a third leg when they go out with their friends and their husbands.
*This is for the military wife that canceled all her plans to wait by the phone, and even though the phone broke up and cut off every time you spoke to him you waited anyway.
*This is a pledge to the women that cry themselves to sleep in an empty bed.
*This is to recognize the woman that felt like she was dying inside when he said he had to go, but smiled for him anyway.
*This is for those of you that are faithfully in that long line at the post office once a month, handling 2 large boxes and 2 small children like a pro.
*This is for that woman that decided to remodel the house to pass time, and then realized that she had no idea what she was doing and sighed and wished she had a little help.
*This is for all the lonely nights, all the one-person dinners, and all of the wondering thoughts because you haven't heard from him in days.
*A toast to you for falling apart and putting yourselves back together. Because a pay check isn't enough, a body pillow in your bed is no consolation, and a web cam can never compare.
*This is for all of you no matter how easy or hard this was for you. Our Soldiers/Airmen/Sailors are brave, they are heroes, but so are we.So the next time someone tells you that they would never marry a military guy, don't bother explaining to them that you can't control who you fall in love with.
*Just think of this and nod your head, know that you are the stronger woman.
*Hold your heads up high, hang that flag in your front yard, stick 100 magnets on your car, and then give yourself a pat on the back.
Military Wives
I would like to recognize these often underestimated, unseen, and unheard heroes.
*This is for the sad military wives, the angry military wives, and the strong military wives.
*This is for the young women that are waking up at 6 a.m. every morning, laying out clothes and packing three lunches for those small precious children that they have been left alone to care for.
*This is for the pregnant military wife wondering if her husband will make it home in time to watch their miracle happen
*This is for the childless military wife, living in a town or on a base alone where she is a complete stranger to her surroundings.
*This is for the women that feel like a third leg when they go out with their friends and their husbands.
*This is for the military wife that canceled all her plans to wait by the phone, and even though the phone broke up and cut off every time you spoke to him you waited anyway.
*This is a pledge to the women that cry themselves to sleep in an empty bed.
*This is to recognize the woman that felt like she was dying inside when he said he had to go, but smiled for him anyway.
*This is for those of you that are faithfully in that long line at the post office once a month, handling 2 large boxes and 2 small children like a pro.
*This is for that woman that decided to remodel the house to pass time, and then realized that she had no idea what she was doing and sighed and wished she had a little help.
*This is for all the lonely nights, all the one-person dinners, and all of the wondering thoughts because you haven't heard from him in days.
*A toast to you for falling apart and putting yourselves back together. Because a pay check isn't enough, a body pillow in your bed is no consolation, and a web cam can never compare.
*This is for all of you no matter how easy or hard this was for you. Our Soldiers/Airmen/Sailors are brave, they are heroes, but so are we.So the next time someone tells you that they would never marry a military guy, don't bother explaining to them that you can't control who you fall in love with.
*Just think of this and nod your head, know that you are the stronger woman.
*Hold your heads up high, hang that flag in your front yard, stick 100 magnets on your car, and then give yourself a pat on the back.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Close to Home
Well, it was inevitable wasn't it? Probabilities dictated that eventually I would personally know a fallen soldier.
It has happened. Someone whom I've known for 6 years, who trained at the same time as my husband, Scotty.
Captain Jefferson Francis, of 1 Royal Canadian Horse Artillery in Shilo, MB was one of 6 Canadian soldiers who died (along with an Afghan interpreter) when the RG-31 Nayala armoured vehicle hit an IED on 4 July, 2007.
Jefferson, ha! It is funny to hear him called that. He was "just Jeff". And frankly the picture, as good as it is, doesn't do him justice. He was a very good looking man...and where ever he went, the ladies swooned. Problem was, he knew it...and milked it. But why not, who wouldn't. And frankly who couldn't fall for a guy with so many freckles and a good heart...never mind the rockin' body he had. Hahaha!
Yeah, I looked. I couldn't help it. But when you got to know Jeff and his personality you didn't see the good looking guy anymore. You saw the dedicated, "hard core" army guy who...had one weakness; women.
That weakness got him too, because as was inevitable one managed to get him to settle down...and they had a child together too. Jeff was very proud of his "kid" and showed people pictures whenever he could make them stand still long enough.
Scotty had seen Jeff just on Saturday, but he will be with him for the next while anyway. Scotty has the task of bringing Jeff home.
I'm glad Jeff will be accompanied by a friend.
It has happened. Someone whom I've known for 6 years, who trained at the same time as my husband, Scotty.
Captain Jefferson Francis, of 1 Royal Canadian Horse Artillery in Shilo, MB was one of 6 Canadian soldiers who died (along with an Afghan interpreter) when the RG-31 Nayala armoured vehicle hit an IED on 4 July, 2007.
Jefferson, ha! It is funny to hear him called that. He was "just Jeff". And frankly the picture, as good as it is, doesn't do him justice. He was a very good looking man...and where ever he went, the ladies swooned. Problem was, he knew it...and milked it. But why not, who wouldn't. And frankly who couldn't fall for a guy with so many freckles and a good heart...never mind the rockin' body he had. Hahaha!
Yeah, I looked. I couldn't help it. But when you got to know Jeff and his personality you didn't see the good looking guy anymore. You saw the dedicated, "hard core" army guy who...had one weakness; women.
That weakness got him too, because as was inevitable one managed to get him to settle down...and they had a child together too. Jeff was very proud of his "kid" and showed people pictures whenever he could make them stand still long enough.
Scotty had seen Jeff just on Saturday, but he will be with him for the next while anyway. Scotty has the task of bringing Jeff home.
I'm glad Jeff will be accompanied by a friend.
Mourning the Loss of a Friend
This morning I was given some grave news. The news of 6 more Canadian soldiers fallen in Afghanistan. This comes at a time when those who's tour is in the "home stretch" have been given their return home dates and the friends and families are all excitedly making plans for homecoming parties and private celebrations. I know, I am one of them.
So today's news hit harder than any before. Harder so than Easter. Though, that was no walk in the park either.
As I spent the day surrounding myself with friends in my "support network" so as to keep my mind off the biggest news item of the day, I find myself thinking of another "friend" that had once been an integral part of a different support network. The people in my "run club" came to mind. "I wonder if anyone posted the news item...I hope no one is worried about me or Scotty...I'll probably have a few messages waiting for me when I get home." Sure enough, I walk through the door and there on my phone is a familiar number from Ontario. Someone was, indeed, worried about me.
Of course, as any good friend would do, I had to reassure those on my run club website that I was okay and not directly affected by today's sad news. In doing so I was affronted by some things that made me furious. I felt my heart race and my blood pressure rise. But I bit my tongue and reminded myself that the wonderful thing about Canada is that we are all welcome and entitled to differing political views. In fact, I hold a lot of respect for people who can disagree with the mission but still support the troops. I also have respect for those who disagree with both aspects, as long as they present their argument articulately and with an educated background on the subject. I have difficulty respecting people who spout off with political rhetoric and refuse to see the other side of the coin.
I am an empathetic person by nature. I tend to put myself in other people's shoes and try to look at the world through their eyes when I don't understand something or have differing opinions. And thus I become frustrated with people who don't hold the same respect for my position.
But I digress. Over the past year I have slowly yet continually slipped into the shadows of the run club forum, at times just choosing to lurk, setting my profile to hide my online status and so on. It has been especially noticeable in the past few months. I don't run, and I don't feel I belong. Tonight I witnessed an exchange, started by someone else, fueled by my own posts, and then carried away that broke the proverbial camel's back.
A thread to share the news of, and then condolences for today's fallen "heroes" became a political debate on whether "we" should mourn the loss of soldiers or debate the politics of the war in that thread or take it elsewhere. I didn't see this as disrespectful to the fallen or their families, nor did I see it as disrespectful of those in the membership that are currently serving overseas and their families (myself and Scotty included). I did, however, see it as inappropriate.
Then someone wrote:
In fact, I am very much against our involvement. That doesn't prevent me feeling strongly about what the soldiers are subjected to in the name of our government.
With respect to your argument that there should be one of these every day to honour others, maybe this happens for the soldiers because there are people we know over there and there are people on this board who have spouses and other family members over there doing a job that is inherently more dangerous than most and who are considerably more likely to be killed doing that job. People start threads about things that affect them or people they know.
There's nothing wrong with discussion of political ideals or religious ideals or anything else. Please choose an appropriate time to do it ... start a thread. Allow people to mourn without having to deal with someone getting on a soapbox. You don't have to respond to every comment that espouses a point of view with which you disagree.
I felt as if this person were standing up to the schoolyard bully for me. Admittedly I wrote a comment in my initial post that could be seen as quite political. But I did it in response to the fact that one person had posted a link that others felt was too political and that poster's response was "perspective". Well, if he is entitled to post his perspective, I am entitled to mine.
Unfortunately the childish behavior continued with this:
"You don't have to respond to every comment that espouses a point of view with which you disagree."
I think I'll make this my signature (in bold no less) so nobody can ever rebut any comment I ever make from now on...
When somebody posts some hardcore propaganda links into a thread like this knowing they'll be shielded from dissent by a "let's not talk politics" sentimentality, don't you feel used?
Don't respond to that. Don't be difficult.
Ironically, I had made up my mind I was finished with my run club long before this post. But now the coffin is sealed, and I said my goodbyes in a private message to the person that "stood up to the bully"
My last visit to http://www.runningmania.com/ was to receive the reply to my private message: (I hope the author does not mind my sharing it)
I would be very sorry to see you go. You don't have to be a runner to be here, you know? A few on here readily admit they don't run much, but they, and you, are appreciated for the friendship and fun you bring. People really like you and I'd hate to think that the words of a few would warp your view of the rest of us.
I ask you to reconsider. You don't have to post much if you don't want to, but maybe it just takes jumping in to the occasional thread to get you going.
Whatever you decide, thank you for what you have meant to us all and take care.
I know that a few bad apples don't spoil the bunch in this case. I know that there are plenty of good folk who mean well and have been very supportive to me in many ways. I thank them for it, but they also know of other means by which they can keep in touch with me. So I've made my decision to break from RunningMania once and for all. But I was so surprised at the grief I felt.
It is as though I really had lost one of my best friends today. Ironically on a day when Canada lost 6 of her finest.
So today's news hit harder than any before. Harder so than Easter. Though, that was no walk in the park either.
As I spent the day surrounding myself with friends in my "support network" so as to keep my mind off the biggest news item of the day, I find myself thinking of another "friend" that had once been an integral part of a different support network. The people in my "run club" came to mind. "I wonder if anyone posted the news item...I hope no one is worried about me or Scotty...I'll probably have a few messages waiting for me when I get home." Sure enough, I walk through the door and there on my phone is a familiar number from Ontario. Someone was, indeed, worried about me.
Of course, as any good friend would do, I had to reassure those on my run club website that I was okay and not directly affected by today's sad news. In doing so I was affronted by some things that made me furious. I felt my heart race and my blood pressure rise. But I bit my tongue and reminded myself that the wonderful thing about Canada is that we are all welcome and entitled to differing political views. In fact, I hold a lot of respect for people who can disagree with the mission but still support the troops. I also have respect for those who disagree with both aspects, as long as they present their argument articulately and with an educated background on the subject. I have difficulty respecting people who spout off with political rhetoric and refuse to see the other side of the coin.
I am an empathetic person by nature. I tend to put myself in other people's shoes and try to look at the world through their eyes when I don't understand something or have differing opinions. And thus I become frustrated with people who don't hold the same respect for my position.
But I digress. Over the past year I have slowly yet continually slipped into the shadows of the run club forum, at times just choosing to lurk, setting my profile to hide my online status and so on. It has been especially noticeable in the past few months. I don't run, and I don't feel I belong. Tonight I witnessed an exchange, started by someone else, fueled by my own posts, and then carried away that broke the proverbial camel's back.
A thread to share the news of, and then condolences for today's fallen "heroes" became a political debate on whether "we" should mourn the loss of soldiers or debate the politics of the war in that thread or take it elsewhere. I didn't see this as disrespectful to the fallen or their families, nor did I see it as disrespectful of those in the membership that are currently serving overseas and their families (myself and Scotty included). I did, however, see it as inappropriate.
Then someone wrote:
In fact, I am very much against our involvement. That doesn't prevent me feeling strongly about what the soldiers are subjected to in the name of our government.
With respect to your argument that there should be one of these every day to honour others, maybe this happens for the soldiers because there are people we know over there and there are people on this board who have spouses and other family members over there doing a job that is inherently more dangerous than most and who are considerably more likely to be killed doing that job. People start threads about things that affect them or people they know.
There's nothing wrong with discussion of political ideals or religious ideals or anything else. Please choose an appropriate time to do it ... start a thread. Allow people to mourn without having to deal with someone getting on a soapbox. You don't have to respond to every comment that espouses a point of view with which you disagree.
I felt as if this person were standing up to the schoolyard bully for me. Admittedly I wrote a comment in my initial post that could be seen as quite political. But I did it in response to the fact that one person had posted a link that others felt was too political and that poster's response was "perspective". Well, if he is entitled to post his perspective, I am entitled to mine.
Unfortunately the childish behavior continued with this:
"You don't have to respond to every comment that espouses a point of view with which you disagree."
I think I'll make this my signature (in bold no less) so nobody can ever rebut any comment I ever make from now on...
When somebody posts some hardcore propaganda links into a thread like this knowing they'll be shielded from dissent by a "let's not talk politics" sentimentality, don't you feel used?
Don't respond to that. Don't be difficult.
Ironically, I had made up my mind I was finished with my run club long before this post. But now the coffin is sealed, and I said my goodbyes in a private message to the person that "stood up to the bully"
My last visit to http://www.runningmania.com/ was to receive the reply to my private message: (I hope the author does not mind my sharing it)
I would be very sorry to see you go. You don't have to be a runner to be here, you know? A few on here readily admit they don't run much, but they, and you, are appreciated for the friendship and fun you bring. People really like you and I'd hate to think that the words of a few would warp your view of the rest of us.
I ask you to reconsider. You don't have to post much if you don't want to, but maybe it just takes jumping in to the occasional thread to get you going.
Whatever you decide, thank you for what you have meant to us all and take care.
I know that a few bad apples don't spoil the bunch in this case. I know that there are plenty of good folk who mean well and have been very supportive to me in many ways. I thank them for it, but they also know of other means by which they can keep in touch with me. So I've made my decision to break from RunningMania once and for all. But I was so surprised at the grief I felt.
It is as though I really had lost one of my best friends today. Ironically on a day when Canada lost 6 of her finest.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Block Party??
I've been known in the past to vent on my blog about my neighbours...and I guess today I will do it again. This is a different neighbour, one no one has heard about as of yet...but there is no time like the present to start.
These neighbours that I have...well they are hard to describe. They are not extremely private people...but they don't share everything about themselves...which is good...it's not like I want or need to hear everyone's woes. But see, we rarely see him...but she is out and about all the time. Apparently he keeps sending her on "assignments" and when I do see her out...she's usually got some young guy with her...she claims this young guy is some sort of "intern" but he looks far too young to be a doctor if you ask me. Whenever the neighbour guy talks about his wife...I get the feeling he's not referring to the female we've all come to associate him with...I'm starting to wonder if they've got some sort of swinging social thing going on.
Far be it for me to get caught up in neighbourhood gossip, but you can't help it around here. I mean these people think nothing of telling everyone who will listen about what happened at staff parties at their work, or what social functions they are going to...almost like they want you to think they are the social elite of Moncton. They certainly like to spread gossip themselves too...but they usually stick to entertainment and pop culture gossip...though they call it "news". And every Saturday they give us all a synopsis of their week in "highlights and soundbites" just in case we missed anything through the week. I mean, do these people really think they are that important in our lives?
They must be, cus I've found myself increasingly happy to wake up to them blasting music and chitchatting every day. I even go to their website regularly, where they will allow anyone to listen in on them. Talk about exhibitionists! I've tried to call them on a few occaisions to invite them to a neighbourly BBQ or to attend a hockey game with me...but you can never get through. These people are really popular...and almost have celebrity status.
I can see the appeal of these neighbours though, they are very charismatic and have a great sense of humour. I mean she will openly admit to having a special crush on Gary Busey....Gary Busey, folks! One of the odd quirks this couple has is knowing every "National day of whatever" everyday. I often wonder if they make it up...they did have a "Gary Busey day", I mean surely we don't have a National Gary Busey day in Canada, right? But some of these days are believable; International Think Positively Day, International Popcorn Day, etc.
So I guess it is with sadness that I will be moving out of the neighbourhood, but something tells me that I will still hear lots from these people...its not like I'm going far...just up to the North End...maybe they'll still let me listen in on them...Rumor has it, they've got a system that will let me listen to them on the radio. I just have to tune in to 94.5 FM in the mornings.
Scotty and Kate, I think you guys are the greatest neighbours! ...Even if you do have some odd quirks...
Thursday, April 05, 2007
How bad do you want it?
So, I’ve landed myself into a nasty downward spiral, and in the last few days it seems impossible to regain control and pull out of the “flatspin”.
I’ve come to realize that though step one is acknowledging the big elephant on the table, the hardest step is trying to figure out what to do with it. Its easy to get caught up saying, “yup, I know that is an issue, I know what the problem is, but I’ll just keep ignoring it for a while cus I don’t want to have to breakout the ol’ chainsaw to cut it up into small bite sized pieces. Cus frankly...we know the chainsaw needs oiling...and that is after I’ve dug through the garbage and clutter in the garage to find it. Then I have to find the gas can and go buy some gas.” You see what I’m saying here, seeing and acknowledging a problem at hand seems to be the easy part. Especially when you already know how easy the solution is. The most difficult part is setting up the environment for success to make the solution easy. Sometimes that is the overwhelming part.
So here is my elephant. My life, in general, is getting out of control. I’m letting life’s circumstances control me instead of the other way around. A friend told me just this past weekend, “Don’t worry about the condition of the house, in the grand scheme of things, a messy house doesn’t matter. But being present for your kids does...so if the housework gets put off, it gets put off.” That is great advice...if my housework were being put off cus I was busy being present with my kids. However, lately, I’ve spent my days on autopilot; get up, check email, take Bubs to school, drop Phia at childcare, check email, workout, check email, forget to eat lunch, panic at amount of laundry, check email, pick Bubs up from school, check email, take Bubs to Taekwondo, pick Phia up on way home, check email, scramble to make supper, panic at state of house and clutter, put kiddos to bed, check email while watching tv, think about having glass of wine, gorge on chocolate instead, check email, go to sleep, get up, check email....
So, I’ve acknowledged that I need to regain control, and in order to do this, I have realized that I need to make a checklist of steps to take. This is so that I can mark items off my list and start feeling a sense of accomplishment while regaining my life back. My problem is that I think about all the things that have to get done, and I panic about prioritizing them....here I go again, letting perfectionism get in the way.
Oh, I don’t claim to be perfect, not by a long shot. In fact, perfectionism isn’t about being perfect, it is about doing it perfectly or not doing it at all....it is an all or nothing mentality...and it is paralizing. For instance, I can’t just make a To Do list...I have to itemize the tasks by category and subcategory, then I have to break it down into individual steps. I get so caught up in making my To Do list easy to do, and follow, that I get overwhelmed at how my To Do list is set up, and making it look pretty that I give up on the tasks and I haven’t even started them...I’ve only just started to break them down into micro-tasks.
A perfect example is tackling the blah and unorganized feeling in my bedroom. I start with what I want for an end result: fresh new decor and a clean bedroom so I can truely relax and get a good night’s sleep. But I can’t keep it just as simple as tidying my room and painting the walls, no. I have to:
· strip the bed,
· wash the linnens,
· flip the mattress,
· pickup the garbage,
· take the laundry down to the basement,
· sort laundry,
· wash,
· dry,
· reboot laundry (another load),
· fold laundry,
· put away laundry,
· reorganize my closet,
· go through clothes,
· throw out old ill fitting clothes,
· reorganize Scott’s closet (Why? I dunno, cus it is there),
· throw out old worn clothes,
· clean off surfaces,
· clean out jewelry box (why? Cus it is there),
· dust surfaces,
· wash walls,
· sweep floor,
· wet mop floor,
· vaccum rug,
· buy paint,
· buy painting supplies,
· take down curtains,
· wash curtains,
· take down fixtures from wall,
· tape the trim,
· paint walls,
· paint trim,
· paint doors,
· move furniture around,
· rehang fixtures/pictures,
· buy new bedding,
· make bed,
· rehang curtains.
So as you can see, I have a habit of making a Mount Everest out of an ant hill. The good news is, when I see it broken down like that, in little individual steps, I feel like I can conquer anything. Now all I gotta do is go with it and get started before I get thinking about it and get all worked up again.
With that said, I picked up some paint today, on Tuesday I bought the new bedding...and tomorrow I have a whole day of laundry and cleaning ahead of me. My plan is to have the bedroom the way I want it by the end of the Easter weekend. The rest of the house can continue on that downward spiral for now, cus once I can cross off all 37 items on that list, I will be on a roll and the rest of the house will follow.
I guess what it boils down to is: How bad do you really want it? Cus if you want something bad enough, you can climb that proverbial Mount Everest...even if you have to find the ant hill to do so.
I’ve come to realize that though step one is acknowledging the big elephant on the table, the hardest step is trying to figure out what to do with it. Its easy to get caught up saying, “yup, I know that is an issue, I know what the problem is, but I’ll just keep ignoring it for a while cus I don’t want to have to breakout the ol’ chainsaw to cut it up into small bite sized pieces. Cus frankly...we know the chainsaw needs oiling...and that is after I’ve dug through the garbage and clutter in the garage to find it. Then I have to find the gas can and go buy some gas.” You see what I’m saying here, seeing and acknowledging a problem at hand seems to be the easy part. Especially when you already know how easy the solution is. The most difficult part is setting up the environment for success to make the solution easy. Sometimes that is the overwhelming part.
So here is my elephant. My life, in general, is getting out of control. I’m letting life’s circumstances control me instead of the other way around. A friend told me just this past weekend, “Don’t worry about the condition of the house, in the grand scheme of things, a messy house doesn’t matter. But being present for your kids does...so if the housework gets put off, it gets put off.” That is great advice...if my housework were being put off cus I was busy being present with my kids. However, lately, I’ve spent my days on autopilot; get up, check email, take Bubs to school, drop Phia at childcare, check email, workout, check email, forget to eat lunch, panic at amount of laundry, check email, pick Bubs up from school, check email, take Bubs to Taekwondo, pick Phia up on way home, check email, scramble to make supper, panic at state of house and clutter, put kiddos to bed, check email while watching tv, think about having glass of wine, gorge on chocolate instead, check email, go to sleep, get up, check email....
So, I’ve acknowledged that I need to regain control, and in order to do this, I have realized that I need to make a checklist of steps to take. This is so that I can mark items off my list and start feeling a sense of accomplishment while regaining my life back. My problem is that I think about all the things that have to get done, and I panic about prioritizing them....here I go again, letting perfectionism get in the way.
Oh, I don’t claim to be perfect, not by a long shot. In fact, perfectionism isn’t about being perfect, it is about doing it perfectly or not doing it at all....it is an all or nothing mentality...and it is paralizing. For instance, I can’t just make a To Do list...I have to itemize the tasks by category and subcategory, then I have to break it down into individual steps. I get so caught up in making my To Do list easy to do, and follow, that I get overwhelmed at how my To Do list is set up, and making it look pretty that I give up on the tasks and I haven’t even started them...I’ve only just started to break them down into micro-tasks.
A perfect example is tackling the blah and unorganized feeling in my bedroom. I start with what I want for an end result: fresh new decor and a clean bedroom so I can truely relax and get a good night’s sleep. But I can’t keep it just as simple as tidying my room and painting the walls, no. I have to:
· strip the bed,
· wash the linnens,
· flip the mattress,
· pickup the garbage,
· take the laundry down to the basement,
· sort laundry,
· wash,
· dry,
· reboot laundry (another load),
· fold laundry,
· put away laundry,
· reorganize my closet,
· go through clothes,
· throw out old ill fitting clothes,
· reorganize Scott’s closet (Why? I dunno, cus it is there),
· throw out old worn clothes,
· clean off surfaces,
· clean out jewelry box (why? Cus it is there),
· dust surfaces,
· wash walls,
· sweep floor,
· wet mop floor,
· vaccum rug,
· buy paint,
· buy painting supplies,
· take down curtains,
· wash curtains,
· take down fixtures from wall,
· tape the trim,
· paint walls,
· paint trim,
· paint doors,
· move furniture around,
· rehang fixtures/pictures,
· buy new bedding,
· make bed,
· rehang curtains.
So as you can see, I have a habit of making a Mount Everest out of an ant hill. The good news is, when I see it broken down like that, in little individual steps, I feel like I can conquer anything. Now all I gotta do is go with it and get started before I get thinking about it and get all worked up again.
With that said, I picked up some paint today, on Tuesday I bought the new bedding...and tomorrow I have a whole day of laundry and cleaning ahead of me. My plan is to have the bedroom the way I want it by the end of the Easter weekend. The rest of the house can continue on that downward spiral for now, cus once I can cross off all 37 items on that list, I will be on a roll and the rest of the house will follow.
I guess what it boils down to is: How bad do you really want it? Cus if you want something bad enough, you can climb that proverbial Mount Everest...even if you have to find the ant hill to do so.
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